| Acknowledgements |
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vii | |
| Prefatory Note |
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xii | |
| Introduction |
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xiii | |
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| Preface |
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xxxiii | |
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1 | (13) |
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Discovering that I have nothing to live by |
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I decide to study the facts of my life |
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By this I hope to find out what is true for me |
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14 | (20) |
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I try to observe my own experience |
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And discover that the more I look the more I see |
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But I do not know how to learn from what I see |
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3 Exploring the hinterland |
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34 | (12) |
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Letting one's mind speak for itself |
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It shows that one can have unguessed-at thoughts |
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I find it has its own views about God and the world dare not ignore these |
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4 The coming and going of delight |
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46 | (11) |
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I suspect that moods can be controlled by an internal gesture |
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For I discover the power to stop the mind from meddling, discover also the invisible feelers of mind |
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Perhaps delight comes only when one stops trying |
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But panic comes as well, with the act of surrender |
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5 Searching for a purpose |
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57 | (13) |
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I try to have a purpose in life |
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I find a purpose but do not understand it |
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Wanting quality, not quantity, in living |
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Concentration begins to come alive |
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70 | (6) |
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I look for a rule to control moods |
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But I see the need to understand rather than to command |
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For I find that trying does not master moods |
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And `to will' seems a matter of waiting, not pushing |
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76 | (7) |
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I find that attention can be either wide or narrow |
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And wide attention sees a different world |
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But I cannot attend widely whenever I choose |
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8 Discovering that thought can be blind |
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83 | (9) |
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Observations of how children think provide me with a clue |
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I learn how to set snares for wandering thoughts |
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But am astonished at their childishness |
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And observe how blind they are to their own nature |
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9 Watching the antics of blind thinking |
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92 | (8) |
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I find also that blind thinking has no respect for facts |
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It thinks in terms of extremes |
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And it is at the mercy of the past, the personal, and of the accidental |
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It threatens the whole success of my enterprise |
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10 The escape from blind thinking |
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100 | (8) |
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I find that emotion and fatigue increase the blindness |
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But when expressed, thought can see itself |
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So talking teaches you how to think |
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And often you must talk to yourself |
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108 | (8) |
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What happens when the gesture of wide attention fails? |
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What happens to ideas outside the narrow beam of attention? |
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Example of a fear that became monstrous when not recognized |
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What does fear of death mean? |
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12 More outcasts of thought |
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116 | (14) |
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I misinterpret a picture in terms of its opposite |
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And discover `opposites' in dreams and waking thoughts find how to provide clothing for outcast thoughts |
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And discover that dreams can provide clues |
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130 | (9) |
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I try to learn control of my mind by relaxing my body |
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But it seems that in order to relax physically one must first be active mentally |
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So I discover the sagacity of the body |
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And I begin to learn how to perceive, not through my head only, but with the whole of my body and the whole of my past |
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14 Cart-horse or Pegasus? |
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139 | (10) |
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Finding a natural rhythm of awareness |
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In the seeing phase I must stop and look back at the blind phase |
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But it was not always safe to stop and look |
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When watched, the blind phase becomes wise |
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15 Discovery of the `other' |
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149 | (7) |
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In spite of many discoveries I am still afraid of losing myself |
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Then comes a moment of accepted annihilation |
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And after this I discover new aspects of communication |
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156 | (9) |
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I had discovered something about happiness |
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And found that science could help me, but was not the end of my journey |
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I thought I had discovered the critical point of willing |
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And when I did what I could, then I became aware of an unconscious wisdom that was wiser than I |
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| Epilogue |
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165 | (8) |
| Afterword |
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173 | |
