Understand what your teenage daughter really meansand learn to use your arguments to strengthen your bond with her. Mothers and teenage daughters argue more than any other child-parent pairon average every two-and-a-half days. These quarrels, Terri Apter shows, are attempts to negotiate changes in a relationship that is valued by both mothers and daughters. A daughter often feels her mother doesn't know or understand her, and by fighting hopes to force her mother into a new awareness of who she really is, how she has changed, and what she is now capable of doing and understanding. But mothers often misinterpret their daughter's outbursts as signs of rejection, and they may pull back feeling hurt and confused. Through case studies and conversations between mothers and daughters, Apter shows mothers how to interpret the meanings behind a daughter's angry words and how to emerge from arguments with a new closeness.
INTRODUCTION. Love, Conflict, and Growth;
1. The Mother/ Daughter Plot;
2. "You're not listening!": The Battle for Recognition;
3. "Let me live my
own life!": Why Teenage Girls are Insulted by Parental Concern;
4. "She can
pick an argument out of thin air!": What Lies Behind Teenage Irritability;
5. Power Struggle: The Choreography of Status;
6. Portraits of Mother/
Daughter Meltdown;
7. Learning to Fight: Friendship and Conflict;
8. My
Mother, My Father: Two Different Relationships;
9. "I'm too fat!": The
Ambiguity of Physical Growth;
10. I know that already!": Sex Talk;
11. "So
that's how you feel!": How Conflict Can Lead to Closeness;
12. The Lifelong
Dialogue.
Terri Apter is a writer, psychologist, and retired Fellow of Newnham College, Cambridge. Her ten books include The Sister Knot, Difficult Mothers, and What Do You Want from Me? She lives in Cambridge, England.
