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So Tell Me about the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives [Hardback]

4.07/5 (774 ratings by Goodreads)
  • Formāts: Hardback, 368 pages, height x width x depth: 236x161x37 mm, weight: 567 g, Illustrations
  • Izdošanas datums: 20-Apr-2021
  • Izdevniecība: Grand Central Publishing
  • ISBN-10: 1538734850
  • ISBN-13: 9781538734858
  • Formāts: Hardback, 368 pages, height x width x depth: 236x161x37 mm, weight: 567 g, Illustrations
  • Izdošanas datums: 20-Apr-2021
  • Izdevniecība: Grand Central Publishing
  • ISBN-10: 1538734850
  • ISBN-13: 9781538734858
"Think about the last time you had sex. Who initiated? When and where did it happen? What was off-limits and why? In the end, did the sex leave you motivated to have more? Over the years, nationally recognized sex therapist and author of the category killer SHE COMES FIRST Ian Kerner has perfected the art of the "sex script analysis" - a way of looking at your sex life in action, moment by moment. In those details, an entire world is revealed. When the sex script works, we drop down into arousal and loseourselves in pleasure. But when the sex script fails, it's all we can do not to ruminate over the details. In this book, Kerner is going to show you how to conceptualize and create a sex life that that works for you. He'll help you figure out what's working, what's not, where you might be missing some elements, and how to construct a sex script that enshrines mutual satisfaction in the structure of the script itself. He'll also discuss many common sexual problems that occur routinely - low desire, mismatched libido for example, erectile unpredictability - and that may be interfering with your sex life. Combining clinical insight, the latest sexual science and research, case studies, homework assignments and more, this is a book that does more than just "talk" about sex; it's a book that will get you to do something about sex"--

A licensed psychotherapist, nationally recognized sexuality counselor, and author of She Comes First helps couples figure out what is working and what isn’t in their erotic lives and offers science and clinical insight for improvements. 40,000 first printing.

Renowned sex therapist Ian Kerner shares the unique and indispensable methodology he uses to help thousands of couples get unstuck and into sexual sync.

Dr. Ian Kerner is a Sherlock Holmes of the bedroom&;a sexual detective helping individuals and couples solve the mystery of their sexual distress. His secret weapon? Anaylzing your &;sex script.&;

Kerner takes a magnifying glass to a recent sexual event, examining the entire sequence of interactions&;beginning, middle, and end&;from multiple angles. In those details&;the what, where, when, and why of the last time you had sex&;all the clues of what went wrong are revealed and the mystery of how to create mutual pleasure can be solved. When our sex scripts work, we lose ourselves in mutual pleasure; but when they fail, it&;s all we can do not to ruminate over the details. What can be learned by looking at your sex life in action?

With wit and warmth, the nationally recognized sex therapist and author of the smash hit She Comes First shows readers how to tap into their erotic personalities and realize their sexual potential. Dr. Kerner provides the tools and techniques you need to assess, fix, and expand your sex scripts, as well as discuss many common sexual problems that get in the way of happy endings. With the help of decades of clinical insight, the latest sexual science and research, valuable homework assignments, case studies, and more, this insightful and original book strips away discomfort and offers couples not just the ability to talk about sex, but the ability to actually do something about it.
 
Author's Note ix
Introduction: The Poetics of Sex 1(6)
Chapter 1 Sex in Action
7(12)
Part I BEGINNING
Chapter 2 Desire and the Call to Sexual Action
19(16)
Chapter 3 Touch
35(6)
Chapter 4 A "Rec-relational" Approach to Sex
41(9)
Chapter 5 Psychological Stimulation (Side-by-Side)
50(12)
Chapter 6 Psychological Stimulation (Face-to-Face)
62(7)
Chapter 7 Exploring Erotic Themes
69(10)
Chapter 8 Expressing Your Inner Kinks
79(12)
Chapter 9 Interlude: Sex, Shame, and Self-Location
91(18)
Part II MIDDLE
Chapter 10 Outercourse
109(10)
Chapter 11 Cliteracy in Action
119(17)
Chapter 12 Deep Arousal (Male)
136(8)
Chapter 13 Deep(er) Arousal (Male and Female)
144(13)
Part III END
Chapter 14 Orgasm: A Journey, Not a Destination
157(6)
Chapter 15 Plateau: Entering a State of Reverie
163(11)
Chapter 16 Entrainment into Orgasm
174(10)
Chapter 17 After-Care
184(9)
Part IV ALL TOGETHER NOW
Chapter 18 Getting Your Glow On
193(12)
Chapter 19 Creating Sex Scripts that Confer Meaning
205(26)
Part V PROBLEMS, SOLUTIONS, AND USEFUL EXERCISES
Chapter 20 Modifying Sex Scripts to Address Common Sexual Problems
231(2)
Chapter 21 Desire/Arousal Issues and the Sex Script
233(11)
Chapter 22 Erectile Unpredictability and the Sex Script
244(12)
Chapter 23 Delayed Ejaculation and the Sex Script
256(4)
Chapter 24 Early Ejaculation and the Sex Script
260(13)
Chapter 25 Porn and the Sex Script
273(5)
Chapter 26 Trauma and the Sex Script
278(6)
Chapter 27 Pain and the Sex Script
284(3)
Chapter 28 Gender Dysphoria and the Sex Script
287(6)
Chapter 29 Exercises
293(17)
Chapter 30 Talking It Out
310(8)
Conclusion: Into Your Sexual Element 318(3)
Acknowledgments 321(4)
Notes 325(14)
Index 339(16)
About the Author 355